{"id":2590,"date":"2023-12-16T16:59:10","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T23:59:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/?p=2590"},"modified":"2023-12-16T16:59:10","modified_gmt":"2023-12-16T23:59:10","slug":"homecoming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/2023\/12\/16\/homecoming\/","title":{"rendered":"Homecoming"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

prompt: Write about a character who visits their hometown for the holidays and reconnects with a former love interest.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

available at Reedsy<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was the first time in ages I\u2019d returned; eight years, one month, and five days. Not that I was keeping count, but the exact date I\u2019d left was seared into my memory. When I was released from the hospital in the city, I stayed rather than go back to my former home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fir tree in front of city hall \u2014 the one that was lit up every year for Christmas \u2014 had grown. The lights were gaudier than they used to be; bright pinks, cyan, chartreuse, and an aggressive shade of orange that somehow clashed with everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They\u2019d added Chanukah and Kwanza decorations. Someone had printed a \u201cHappy Festivus\u201d sign and affixed it to the empty signpost that had stood in the middle of the lawn for some unknown reason since I was a child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I\u2019d feel fear, or maybe revulsion at seeing the town again, but I felt\u2026empty. Maybe a few years in the city, learning to live and navigate the hazards as a woman had inured me to the danger I used to feel in this town.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided I\u2019d spent enough time gawking at the hideous light display and drove the rental to the hotel. It sat on what used to be the Baxter\u2019s corn field. The parking lot at the rear of the hotel gave me a clear line of sight to where their house used to be. It was paved over and replaced with a mini mall. The sporting goods store stood where the barn used to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The room I was given faced out the back side to the shopping center. I could still see the barn in my mind \u2014 every warped board and peel of paint. I remembered him hoisting me up to the hayloft atop a bale of hay. Probably not safe, but fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remembered him sneaking his dad\u2019s cigarettes. We\u2019d gotten sick after sharing one of them. I remembered him \u2014 I remembered him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I pulled the curtains shut tight and lay on the bed where I cried myself to sleep. At some point in the middle of the night, I showered and went to bed proper. I still woke before dawn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dot\u2019s Cafe had been updated. It had been unchanged for my whole life before I left, so the difference was jarring. Dot was still there, seated in her reserved booth she occupied when she was in. Even though her name was on the place, she hadn\u2019t owned it for at least twenty years, but she was treated as royalty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She had to be close to a hundred. The deepened wrinkles, thinned hair, and paled complexion hurt me to see. Dot was still sharp of eye and mind, though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dot waved me over the minute I walked in, stared straight into my eyes, and said, \u201cYou were that Williams boy. Greg, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn\u2019t going to jump on a little old lady for deadnaming me, especially since she hadn\u2019t seen me since before I transitioned. \u201cI\u2019m Grace now. It\u2019s good to see you, Dot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She laughed. \u201cYou look righter as Grace than Greg. You never did fit in your skin but now you do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you, Dot. That\u2019s very kind of you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh, nonsense.\u201d She waved a hand. \u201cYou should go and get your breakfast, young lady.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found a booth away from the door and sat down. A menu appeared from over my shoulder as the waitress approached. She stared for a moment. I knew the look. I\u2019d seen it time and again early in my transition. It was a look that said, \u201cyou almost<\/em> look like what I expect, but not quite.\u201d I also caught sight of the ally pin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I cleared my throat as I took the menu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI-I\u2019m so sorry, Grace,\u201d she said. \u201cI overheard Dot, but how could she tell? You look so different.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her voice sent a chill down my spine. I\u2019d been so wrapped in my own head that I didn\u2019t recognize her at first. \u201cSophie?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d She seemed to shrink. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m a different person now,\u201d I said. \u201cMaybe you are, too?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She nodded. \u201cI hope so.\u201d She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and gave a half-hearted laugh. \u201cWhat can I get you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I\u2019d finished my breakfast, Sophie returned with the check and asked, \u201cAre you going to see Jason today?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s the only reason I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWould it be okay\u2026I mean\u2026can I\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took her hand in mine. \u201cWould you like to join me?\u201d I asked. \u201cI honestly don\u2019t know if I can face him alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sophie sniffled and nodded. \u201cYou going now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGive me five minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She went in the back and came back minus the apron in just a couple minutes. Judging by the yelling, it wasn\u2019t appreciated, but Dot settled it with a single \u201ctut.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sophie rode in the rental with me. She was quiet at first, but I could tell she had something to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2026I was terrible to you and Jason.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t the only one,\u201d I said. The taunts and names and bullying we endured were a constant of my high school experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI felt so guilty about it\u2026I drank to drown the guilt. All it got me was two DUIs, a totaled car, a suspended license and a year in lockup.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat did you have to feel guilty about? Yeah, you called us names, but that night, even, you stood up for\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI should\u2019ve called you \u2014 warned you that Stephen was coming.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow could you have?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We walked through the gate. \u201cI\u2026got your number from your dad the day before the dance. He wanted me to \u2018talk some sense into you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m not surprised.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou haven\u2019t been here yet, have you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I shook my head \u201cno\u201d and Sophie led the way to Jason. She\u2019d obviously been here before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJason,\u201d I said, \u201cI miss you. Came back just to talk to you. I told you I\u2019d transition as soon as I left home, and I did. I\u2019m the real me now. I know we can\u2019t get married now, but when I transitioned, I took your last name. I didn\u2019t want to be a Williams anymore. I hope that\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The tears rolled down my face as I knelt beside the headstone. \u201cJason Baxter, gone too soon. He loved with brave ferocity and was loved in equal measure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There were fresh flowers in the cup on the headstone, along with a faded pride flag. I let my fingers trace the letters on the stone. \u201cI thought his parents disowned him but\u2026this looks like an expensive headstone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sophie knelt beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. \u201cThey did. There was just a little marker here with his name on a plastic card. I bought the headstone. It was the only way I knew to apologize to him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She broke down into sobs, and I could no longer hold back my own. We held each other until we were cried out. She kept repeating, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d into my shoulder the whole time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stood and helped her to her feet. \u201cI get it, Sophie, but you were a kid\u2026we were all kids. You can\u2019t blame yourself for what your brother did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe saw the two of you leaving Homecoming when he picked me up and started saying crazy shit. He couldn\u2019t wait to drop me at home so he could go after you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked into her eyes and saw someone who was haunted. \u201cYou are not to blame, but I forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you knew he was coming you could\u2019ve gotten away. Maybe if I\u2019d called the police sooner\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCould\u2019ve, should\u2019ve, would\u2019ve\u2026you\u2019re not doing yourself any favors. You have to let go of the guilt. Sophie, listen. Your brother\u2019s in prison where he belongs. I was still in the hospital at the time, but I heard your testimony helped put him there. You\u2019ve done everything you can and more than you should.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we walked back to the car, I said, \u201cThat dance was the first time I wore a dress in public. I was so scared, but Jason was sweet. The jocks taking tickets didn\u2019t want to let us in until you told them off. I think you said something about my dress being pretty, but I don\u2019t remember for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI said \u2018He has more balls than all of you put together to show up in a pretty dress, so let them in.\u2019 I was already feeling bad for jumping on the bandwagon to bully you two when you looked so happy together. I was jealous that it wasn\u2019t like that for me with my boyfriends.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHigh school romance seems pretty meaningless now, though, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She laughed, the first genuine laugh I\u2019d heard from her all day. \u201cIt does. Hey, are you in contact with your folks?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo. The last time Mom called was six years ago to cry about how I didn\u2019t make any grandkids before I \u2018threw away the body God gave me,\u2019 and the last time Dad called was on my birthday four years ago. The first thing he did after saying \u2018Happy Birthday\u2019 was deadname and misgender me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI told him, \u2018Your son, Greg, is dead. If you can\u2019t deal with your daughter Grace as I am, then you\u2019re dead to me, too.\u2019 We haven\u2019t spoken since.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat sucks.\u201d Sophie leaned her head on my shoulder. \u201cIf you want, I\u2019ll be your sister. My family shunned me after I testified against Stephen. They still won\u2019t answer calls or texts, and anything I mail to them gets sent back. I gave up a couple years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gave her a ride back to Dot\u2019s and we exchanged numbers. \u201cI\u2019m glad I ran into you, and I\u2019m glad you turned into the person you are,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad you don\u2019t hate me, and I\u2019m glad I got to finally meet the real you,\u201d she said. \u201cWill you be back?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEither way, keep in touch, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I drove back to the airport feeling a mixture of relief and sorrow at leaving. I wasn\u2019t sure whether I\u2019d make another homecoming trip, but at least I knew it wasn\u2019t as dire as I\u2019d feared.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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