{"id":2734,"date":"2024-11-23T20:17:34","date_gmt":"2024-11-24T03:17:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/?p=2734"},"modified":"2024-11-23T20:17:34","modified_gmt":"2024-11-24T03:17:34","slug":"when-all-you-have-is-a-hammer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/2024\/11\/23\/when-all-you-have-is-a-hammer\/","title":{"rendered":"When All You Have Is a Hammer\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

prompt: A court or disciplinary hearing is taking place \u2014 but the person accused does not know what they\u2019re apologizing for.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

available at Reedsy<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAllow me to make the facts of the case clear.\u201d The newly elected prosecutor, Hiratha of clan Ororos, stood at her designated spot, addressing the panel of judges. Like her, they were covered in a fine layer of fur, wearing stylish sashes. Hiratha extended one of her six upper tentacles, spreading the six small, grasper tentacles at the end, pointing in the manner of her people at the dock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maxwell sat in a cage in the dock. He was meant to be standing, but it wasn\u2019t built for someone as tall as him. He was the only human in the chamber, surrounded by the fluffy oraxans. Max was made uncomfortable by the confines of the dock, the chilly temperature of the room, and the prospect of being found a criminal without being told what he was suspected of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiratha swayed all six of her upper tentacles. \u201cMaxwell of clan Martinez, did the Department of Genetics provide you with a suitable match?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho \u2026 what?!\u201d Max looked at Hiratha, smaller than her campaign ads made her seem, trying to determine if this was all an elaborate prank or she was serious and insane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnswer the question.\u201d Hiratha\u2019s tentacles stiffened at her sides, pointing straight down. \u201cDid the Department of Genetics provide you with a suitable match?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max wanted to stand, but the cage was too small. \u201cI don\u2019t understand what you are asking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiratha extended a tentacle behind herself without looking and picked up the sheet of processed cellulose on the table behind her. She held it out where it could be seen by the judges and the accused. \u201cDid you receive this notice of genetic suitability?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max looked at the paper she held. \u201cYes, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA simple yes or no will suffice.\u201d She put the paper back on the desk behind her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut I\u2019m\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHold your comments while I am questioning you.\u201d Hiratha gestured at the judges. \u201cPlease forgive me, honorable judges, but his continued outbursts point to his disrespect and disdain for cultural norms.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max groaned. This was ridiculous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMaxwell of clan Martinez\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy name is Maxwell Luis Martinez-Orwell,\u201d Max cut her off. \u201cNo clans, just family names. But please, just call me Max.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A shudder ran down all Hiratha\u2019s tentacles, the oraxan equivalent of a sigh. \u201cVery well. Max, when did you become of citizen of the Slimark Republic of Planets?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDay 382 of period 854. It was my seventeenth birthday in Earth years, and I\u2019m thirty-four now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have had more than nine periods since then.\u201d Hiratha waved her tentacles in an inquisitive gesture that Max was certain was acting and not sincere. \u201cWould you consider nine periods a reasonable amount of time to acclimate to a culture and its laws? That is, after<\/em> passing the citizenship tests and proving your knowledge of that culture and those laws, is nine periods long enough to acclimate?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI grew up here,\u201d he said. \u201cI was born here, since my folks were ambassadors.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnswer the question, Maxwell Luis Martinez-Orwell. Is nine periods long enough to acclimate?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSure. I guess.\u201d Max sighed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen did you learn about reproduction \u2014 specifically oraxan reproductive cycles and customs?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI guess I was still a young kid,\u201d he said. \u201cI was a bit precocious in my curiosity about where babies come from, whether it was humans, puppies, or oraxans.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo that was before<\/em> you became a citizen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes.\u201d Max leaned against the side of the cage. \u201cWhere are you going with this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m asking the questions here.\u201d She snapped her tentacles as his teachers had done, creating the sound of six whips simultaneously cracking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max sat up straight and folded his hands in his lap. He chuckled at himself internally for becoming a schoolboy at the sound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat,\u201d she asked, \u201chappens during the thirteen days beginning on day 211 of the period?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLife festival,\u201d Max answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd what does the Festival of Life celebrate?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen oraxans enter their fertile cycle.\u201d Max leaned back. \u201cThis is youngling school stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cExactly.\u201d Hiratha paused a moment before continuing. \u201cDo you know what the Department of Genetics does?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI guess they find suitable matches for reproduction?\u201d Max cocked his head. \u201cI know oraxans don\u2019t do the whole family for love thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYour guess is good, but it goes further. The Department of Genetics finds the matches in a given geographical area with the most diverse genetics; those who are most dissimilar and most distantly related.\u201d She extended a tentacle with spread graspers toward him. \u201cDo you know why<\/em> they do that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I remember this from school,\u201d he said. \u201cDuring the era of the First Republic, people didn\u2019t travel very far, and the unmanaged fertility cycles led to in-breeding and the propagation of genetic illnesses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMaxwell Luis Martinez-Orwell, you have admitted to knowing oraxan culture, the reasons for the Festival of Life, and the importance of the work of the Department of Genetics. Despite knowing all that, though, you failed to follow the instructions given to you for the most recent Festival of Life. I hereby request that the judges find you culpable and award punitive damages in the amount of 190,000 regals.\u201d Hiratha whipped her tentacles again and moved behind the table to sit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The lead judge said, \u201cThe accused may now speak on their own behalf.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max heaved a sigh. \u201cOkay, first of all, I\u2019m not a suitable genetic match for anyone<\/em> on this planet. In case you hadn\u2019t noticed, I\u2019m human, not oraxan, and the other humans in the embassy are all related to me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He gestured toward the prosecutor\u2019s table where the decree still sat. \u201cYeah, I got that. I figured it had to be a clerical error. One thing the Republic is very<\/em> good at is bureaucracy. I figured it would get straightened around, no problem, once they figured out they matched a human for breeding.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max looked around the chamber. \u201cI still don\u2019t know what law I\u2019ve been charged with breaking, and I have no representation, nor was I asked if I wanted any. I can afford an attorney, so please, can we put this trial on hold long enough that I can hire one?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When no answer was forthcoming, he continued. \u201cLook, I\u2019m not sure what the crime is, but the guilty party is the Department of Genetics, or whoever in that department made the error. Why the prosecutor is coming after me so hard makes no sense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the judge panel members spoke up. \u201cThis is not a criminal court, this is a civil matter, and there is no prosecutor here, just the aggrieved, and you, the accused.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max closed his eyes and shook his head. \u201cWait, wait wait wait. I got bundled into a van, stashed in a cell, then locked into a literal cage<\/em> in the courtroom for a civil case<\/em>?!\u201d He took a deep breath and did his best not to scream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay, if this is civil court, why all that and why am I locked in this cage?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is standard procedure for any case which could lead to the aggrieved being injured by the accused or vice versa.\u201d The lead judge swayed his tentacles in an apologetic manner. \u201cSeeing that this case does not include any sort of violence, you may exit the protective chamber, assuming you and the aggrieved both promise not to injure each other?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course, your honors,\u201d Max said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiratha agreed with a gesture and the door to the cage opened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMay I speak directly to the prosec\u2014the aggrieved?\u201d he asked the judges after exiting the cage and stretching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou may speak to and question the aggrieved. This is your time to do so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHiratha of clan Ororos, can you admit this isn\u2019t about me? You\u2019ve never seen me before today. It\u2019s not even about the fact I didn\u2019t show up to meet you. You\u2019re upset that you missed a chance to breed, because the Department of Genetics assigned you to someone that shouldn\u2019t even be in consideration due to being a different species.\u201d Max let his shoulders droop and softened his gaze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m very sorry you missed out on a chance to reproduce this cycle. You seem like a driven woman \u2026 uh, oraxan, and there\u2019s bound to be a good choice for you on the next go-round. I wish you all the luck in that, and if you choose to bring a case against the Department of Genetics, I will back you all the way. What they did by matching you with me wasn\u2019t right at all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiratha pulled her tentacles in tight. \u201cWhen you didn\u2019t show up at the appointed time to the coupling center, I thought maybe my match had seen me and run away. I know I\u2019m not the most attractive. It wasn\u2019t until I dug into it that I found out I\u2019d been matched to the only human citizen of the Republic in thirty light years distance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut you still chose to take me to court, to hold someone<\/em> accountable for your hurt.\u201d Max smiled at her with a sad smile. \u201cI understand. You\u2019re a prosecutor, so that\u2019s what you know. We have a saying, \u2018When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.\u2019 You just did what you know how to do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He straightened up. \u201cThat said, I can now see that I\u2019ve caused you pain, though it was never my intention. Hiratha, I beg your forgiveness for my insensitivity. I\u2019m not sure how money will heal the hurt, but 190,000 regals is far more than I make in an entire period.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Max looked at Hiratha. \u201cIf it is amenable to you, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies in the form of a dinner at my home. Any human or oraxan dish you would like, to be prepared and served by me, using the skills I\u2019ve acquired working in the embassy kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The judges conferred for a moment, before the lead judge said, \u201cWe have a counteroffer of a meal. As the harm inflicted was not physical in nature, and was not intentional, we are reluctant to hold the accused to account. Will the aggrieved accept the counteroffer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiratha stood and walked to the front of the table. \u201cI\u2014I will \u2026 on the condition that Max agrees to testify when I charge the Department of Genetics with malpractice and dereliction of duty.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI will, Hiratha. I\u2019ll help you hammer that particular nail.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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