{"id":2774,"date":"2025-04-20T09:29:19","date_gmt":"2025-04-20T16:29:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/?p=2774"},"modified":"2025-04-20T09:29:19","modified_gmt":"2025-04-20T16:29:19","slug":"bucket-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/2025\/04\/20\/bucket-list\/","title":{"rendered":"Bucket List"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

prompt: Write a story with the aim of making your reader laugh.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

available at Reedsy<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t, but it\u2019s on my bucket list.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWot\u2019s a bucket list?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou ogres have no culture at all, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYou wot<\/em>? We gots a lots of culture.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cLike da Log Drum Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYou don\u2019t know wot a log drum is?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course, I know what a log drum is. A hollow log you beat with a stick.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cRight. Dat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe festival, what is it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cOh. We builds a bonfire, beat on da log drums, dance around, and den go kill somefing to frow in the fire for eats.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne festival hardly makes a culture.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDere\u2019s also da Skin Drum Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe same thing, only with skin drums?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo. Totally different.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cReally? Is there a bonfire?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd you beat on the skin drums?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDancing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThen you kill something, cook it in the fire and eat it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the same thing!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo! Totally different. Skin drums is not log drums, so not da same fing at all!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019d sigh in exasperation, but you wouldn\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cGet wot?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNever mind. Any other cultural festivities?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cOh! Children Drum Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo. Tell me you don\u2019t beat on children.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cOf course not. Da children beat on da drums.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh. Bonfire, dancing, and then you kill something, yada yada yada?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you have any festivals that don\u2019t involve killing something?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDa Chieftain\u2019s Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBonfire, drums, and dancing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThen what happens?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDa chieftain shares da meat he brung for da feast.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIs there any cultural thing you do that doesn\u2019t involve a bonfire, drums, dancing, and optionally very fresh meat cooked in that same bonfire?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDa Midwinter Festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo bonfire?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo. Too cold. We has it in da community center place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDrums?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo. Too loud inside.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFood?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYeah. Potluck.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay, that\u2019s a little better, I guess. Then what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWe plays bingo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUgh. Do ogres have any cultural things? More \u2026 highbrow<\/em>. Like poetry, music that isn\u2019t just drums, plays, anything?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cI told you. We plays bingo. We also plays hopscotch a lots.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHopscotch? Surprising, that. But plays, like Shakespeare\u2019s Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cI ain\u2019t played dose. Dey fun?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cForget it. Look, I\u2019m just trying to find some kind of cultural connection here. What about clothes? Like, this kilt I\u2019m wearing is Scottish, like me, and the pattern is my clan tartan.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWe has fancy clothes, too. Dis is my festival dress. I dressed up for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt certainly is a lovely brown.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cAnd look, I can wear like we does when festival start.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, you can just pop those right out, can\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cBetter for hopscotch, see?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t injure yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cFeels good when dey is loose.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt, uh, looks rather mesmerizing, although perhaps dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYou funny little human. Not dangerous. I protects you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s sweet. I\u2026uh\u2026can\u2019t breathe\u2026you\u2019re squeezing too tight\u2026and I\u2019m right between your\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDat\u2019s all da protects you get for now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cSo, wot is bucket list?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a list of things I\u2019d like to do before I kick the bucket.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWhy you kick da bucket? It leaks?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot a literal bucket. It\u2019s a euphemism for dying. You know what a euphemism is, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cI know euphemism. It\u2019s wen da youf say one fing but mean another when dey being sneaky.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot\u2026exactly, but close enough, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYou sick? You looks healfy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m not sick. I\u2019m healthy and doing well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDen why you dying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I\u2019m not \u2014 at least not any time soon, I hope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDen why da bucket list?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just things I think I\u2019d like to try while I\u2019m able. If I do them now, while I\u2019m young and healthy, I won\u2019t look back someday when I am dying and regret not doing them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDat\u2019s a good idea. I fink maybe I could makes bucket list and do fun stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat are you \u2014 oh, your dress has pockets. I guess that counts as culture.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNeeds pockets for carry extra meats home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIndeed. I see you have pencil and paper in there, although it appears stained.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cAnd dese.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, yes, those would<\/em> come in handy at a festival.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cOkay. I started bucket list.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat did you put on it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cIs private.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy apologies. I didn\u2019t mean to pry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWot cultures you got?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe have the Highland Games, where we compete in traditional sports like caber-toss, listen to traditional bagpipe music, and eat traditional foods, like haggis. My favorite, though, is Scotch eggs for breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo bonfire?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot usually, no.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cBoring. Wot else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPoetry. Of course, there\u2019s Robert Burns \u2026 but there\u2019s others as well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cRobert burns wot? Bonfires?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, no. That\u2019s his name<\/em>, Robert Burns.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDumb name if he not burns somefing. Anyfing else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHighland music; the bagpipes and the\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDrums?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUh, yeah, the bagpipes and the drums.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cEven silly humans know drums is good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut don\u2019t forget the bagpipes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDey sound like dying sheep stepped on by troll. Hurt ears.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s \u2026 that\u2019s fair, I guess. But don\u2019t forget the fiddle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cFiddle is fing wit\u2019 squeaky strings?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt can<\/em> be, if the player\u2019s not very good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNo good players, den?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUgh. Never mind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cAnyfing else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere are Scottish playwrights, authors, musicians, artists \u2014 like Sir Henry Raeburn. He\u2019s a bit famous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cHe not burns nofing too?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, his last name is Raeburn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cWhy name people wot dey don\u2019t do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s um, a cultural thing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cI knowed it. Culture is dumb. Except best ogre culture of all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cCulture for making goat milk cheese.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHah! That\u2019s funny! You\u2019ve got a keen sense of humor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cAnd smell. You petted dog on way here, it rubbed on your left leg.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can tell that by smell alone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDog I can smell, dark fur on light trousers I see.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cI\u2019m wearing a kilt, those are my legs \u2014 you\u2019re having me on!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cDat\u2019s da goal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t expect you to be so humorous. You just keep impressing me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cOkay, if you says.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2026can\u2019t\u2026breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cYou said to press.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOof. I can\u2019t tell if you\u2019re being serious or not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cKind of serious. If you wants.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s possible. You\u2019re very attractive. Not just for an ogre, but in general. Big strong woman like you, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had your pick of humans. So, to turn the original question back on you, have you ever had sex with a human?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cNot yet, but you\u2019re on bucket list.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSeriously?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cThis serious.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s \u2014 a whole roll \u2014 what, a dozen? You think we\u2019ll need that many?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cFor starts. I has more at home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I hope I can keep up. And there goes the dress again. They really are magnificent.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– \u201cIf you no keeps up, at least it\u2019s one fing off your bucket list.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cToo true. Lead the way \u2014 oh, right here? Okay.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

prompt: Write a story with the aim of making your reader laugh. available at Reedsy \u201cI haven\u2019t, but it\u2019s on my bucket list.\u201d – \u201cWot\u2019s a bucket list?\u201d \u201cYou ogres have no culture at all, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[208],"tags":[216,210,209],"class_list":["post-2774","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trunk-stories","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction","tag-short-story"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pxT7i-IK","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2774","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2774"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2774\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2775,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2774\/revisions\/2775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.evardsson.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}